Morning coffee: Thursday

  
  
  
  

via [video]

This could actually work!

Stephen Colbert’s Government Shutdown Home Game: It’s not a game!

  
  
  
  

via

This is THE BEST analogy for Republicans and this shutdown that I’ve seen.

Is Michele Bachmann drinking all day long now?

On Saturday, she said the President is funding al Qaeda, which is a sign of the End Times:

Rep. Michele Bachmann accused President Obama of giving aid to Al Qaeda, which she said is proof that we are living in the Last Days. Of course, on the same day Bachmann gave the interview, a Delta Force operation approved by Obama nabbed a key Al Qaeda figure in Libya. […] Bachmann said that the Al Qaeda funding (which isn’t happening) is a sign of the End Times: “This happened and as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s end times history. Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand,” Bachmann continued. “When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this; these days would be as the days of Noah.”

On Tuesday, she said she wants to impeach the President for “thuggery:” 

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) said Tuesday that President Obama has “committed impeachable offenses” and that the House could hold a hearing to impeach. “We can have an impeachment hearing in the House, and in my mind the president has committed impeachable offenses,” Bachmann told conservative talk show host Rusty Humphries in an interview first detailed by Right Wing Watch. “I think we could be on the cusp of seeing civil disobedience — I’m not saying I want civil disobedience — but people aren’t going to take the thuggery of this president much longer,” she said. “We see thuggery going on in the White House, we’re not going to take it. We’ve drawn a line in the sand, and we’re telling the president you need to recognize … that you are a co-equal branch of government. You are not a dictator.”

Also on Tuesday, she said she was mistaken for 20-year-old Miley Cyrus: 

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) said this week that people confused her with pop singer Miley Cyrus but she has “never done twerking” in her life. …“What was kind of funny is the Monday after Saturday Night Live aired, we had a lot of calls in the office [and] people thought that actually was me in the skit. And I will tell you as a 57-year-old woman, it’s been a long time since I’ve been confused for a 20-year-old.”

  

I guess I can see how some elderly folks who could use an appointment with the eye doctor might make this mistake. Brown hair, open mouth, idiotic…

Meanwhile, in America’s forests…


via tastefullyoffensive

Jon Stewart: Government Shutstorm from Bullshit Mountain


Stewart points out: “Outraged, [Fox News’ false-outrage-exploitation-engine] will storm the barricades to make sure these, maybe, 100 veterans get into the [WWII] Memorial while forgetting that it’s their allies asinine budget shenanigans that not only shut it in the first place, but also put Meals on Wheels at risk–a program that serves meals to over 500,000 veterans a year.”

After playing a montage of Republicans describing their love for “small government,” Stewart summarizes: “You hate the government. Yet you rail like banshees if any of the services and benefits YOU like are taken away.” Echoing a famous scene from Steve Martin’s The Jerk, he says, “I don’t need any government… except these memorials… and Social Security… and the paddle game.”

He continues, “And THEN, in the middle of your outrage and sadness over the government shutdown, well… you always wind up giving away the bullshit game.” Stewart cuts to a video of Michele Bachmann saying, “We’re really very energized today, we’re very strong. This is about the happiest I’ve seen members in a long time.”

WashingtonPost — One of the last remaining veterans of World War II in Congress called Thursday afternoon for his colleagues to end the government shutdown, suggesting that members of the legislative body who have appeared at the World War II memorial this week are not doing enough to support those who served in the conflict. “If this Congress truly wishes to recognize the sacrifice and bravery of our World War II veterans and all who’ve come after, it will end this shutdown and reopen our government now,” John Dingell (D-Mich.) said in a joint statement issued with former Republican senator Bob Dole of Kansas, a combat-injured veteran of World War II.

What? Photo ops with WWII veterans in wheelchairs isn’t doing enough for veterans during the shutdown? That must be a mistake.

Related: 

Video: Rep. Randy Neugebauer (R-TX) bullies a National Park Service Ranger

Morning coffee: Republican shutdown in effect, but Obamacare begins anyway!

Because it’s a law.

FUN FACT: if you live in one of the voting districts highlighted on THIS MAP, then below are some terrific examples of what you can look forward to, beginning today:
(gifs: ihatepeacocks):










If you imagine all the people above are shouting “Thanks, Obama!” (because that’s what you do in these situations), then you’ll be happy to know that starting today your world remains intact. Same as it ever was!

No matter what you’ve been promised, UN Troops won’t be kicking in your door to confiscate your Bible and firearms before herding you into a FEMA camp to await a Death Panel.

Isn’t that great news? 

But for people without health insurance, or people with pre-existing conditions who are paying way too much, they’ll be able to better afford coverage for themselves and their families.

Starting today, the health insurance marketplace at https://www.healthcare.gov is officially open for business.

Morning coffee

Redditor resgestae, who always has his camera with him, captured this awesome moment while shopping at a Home Depot. He titled his photo, I know a good dad when I see one.

We couldn’t agree more.

[via Neatorama, bigmisterc, ihatepeacocks]

113th Congress sworn in today, good fcking riddance to the 112th

Portrait of the 113th Congress – The Hill: “In the House, there will be a roll call vote at 11 a.m. for new members and the swearing-in at noon, followed by a ceremonial swearing-in in the Rayburn House Office building at 3 p.m., which is where new members will get their photo taken with Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio). The lower chamber will gain 82 new lawmakers on Thursday: 35 Republicans and 47 Democrats. This year’s Republican freshman class is much smaller than the legendary class of 2010, which caused many headaches for Boehner.”


think-progress: Meet the Senate’s new women caucus.

A primer for the 113th Congress – latimes.com: “Democrats gained slight ground in both houses in the 2012 election, though control of both remained in the same hands: Democrats still run the Senate and Republicans the House. The GOP leads, 234 representatives to 201, in the House, having lost eight seats to Democrats. And in the Senate, Democrats lead, 55-45, counting independent Sens. Bernie Sanders of Vermont and Angus King of Maine, who will caucus with them. Republicans lost two seats and Democrats gained two, including the closely watched race in Massachusetts between Elizabeth Warren and departing Sen. Scott Brown. The incoming congressional class features a record number of female (100), Latino (31), Asian American (12) and openly gay or bisexual (7) members, along with 43 African Americans.”

FLASHBACK: Two years ago — 112th Congress sworn in, GOP flexes muscles: With the ceremonial swearing in of the 112th Congress, Republicans have taken control of the House of Representatives, promising a fierce challenge to President Barack Obama and the potential for legislative gridlock in the countdown to the 2012 presidential election. Rep. John Boehner, a long-serving Ohioan from a working-class background, was awarded the speaker’s gavel Wednesday, ending the historic term of Democrat Nancy Pelosi, the San Francisco liberal who was the first woman to preside over the House. The speaker is second-in-line for the presidency after the vice president.

[…] Minority Leader Sen. Mitch McConnell said the voters had made it clear they “want lawmakers to cut Washington, tackle the debt, rein in government and to help create the right conditions for private sector growth.”…Many Republican freshmen will feel obliged to answer the call of hardcore conservative constituencies that sent them to Washington on contentious matters such as the need to raise the federal debt limit…..By way of example, House leaders set their first spending cut vote for Thursday, a 5 percent reduction in the amount spent for lawmakers’ and committees’ offices and leadership staff. Aides estimate the savings at $35 million over the next nine months. Republicans have pledged to vote at least once a week on bills that cut spending. And the new House Majority Leader, Rep. Eric Cantor, challenged Obama to include significant spending cuts in his State of the Union address on Jan. 25. But Republicans acknowledge they must do more than simply oppose Obama’s every proposal, as they did the past two years of Democratic rule.

Hahahahaa…

Darden Restaurants takes a stock hit, announces it won’t reduce workers’ hours

Think Progress reports that Darden Restaurants (Olive Garden, Red Lobster) has reconsidered its decision to reduce the hours of their full-time workers to avoid having to provide them with health insurance:

AP is reporting that, in an effort to stem the negative attention, Darden will announce Thursday that they will not be moving any workers to a part-time schedule because of Obamacare. The company is, however, keeping the option open of relying more heavily on part-time employees in the future. Ultimately, reports a Darden spokesman, they tested a shift to part-time staff and found a decline in satisfaction all around:

After Darden’s tests were reported in October, the company received a flood of feedback from customers through its website, on Facebook and in restaurants, said Bob McAdam, who heads government affairs and community relations for Darden. Additionally, he said that internal surveys showed both employee and customer satisfaction declined at restaurants where the tests were in place.

“What that taught us is that our restaurants perform better when we have full-time hourly employees involved,” he said… McAdam declined to give specifics on the internal surveys but said the decline was “enough to make a decision.”

This is, of course, after all the negative press they’ve attracted since their announcement in October — and a subsequent drop in stock value

The only way to get their attention is to punch these companies in the pocketbook.

The bloom is off the Turdblossom: Fox benches Karl Rove (for now)

Daily Intel: “According to multiple Fox sources, [Fox News chief Roger Ailes] has issued a new directive to his staff: He wants the faces associated with the election off the air — for now. For Karl Rove and Dick Morris — a pair of pundits perhaps most closely aligned with Fox’s anti-Obama campaign — Ailes’s orders mean new rules. Ailes’s deputy, Fox News programming chief Bill Shine, has sent out orders mandating that producers must get permission before booking Rove or Morris. Both pundits made several appearances in the days after the election, but their visibility on the network has dropped markedly. Inside Fox News, Morris’s Romney boosterism and reality-denying predictions became a punch line… Multiple sources say that Ailes was angry at Rove’s election-night tantrum when he disputed the network’s call for Obama.”

If your friends acted like your pets

  
  
  
  

[video]

via: finalellipsis